8:41 a.m. - 2003-03-18

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just came back home from auntie lily's hse (for dinner) food was really delicious... esp the soup. anyway yar the iraq war is going to start soon. and yes i shud start reading magazines, watching discovery channel to improve my general knowledge... really u noe...

and right... shawn actually i think it's indirectly ur fault tt i quit odac. haha not bcos u're an irritating person, nowhere near tt. everyone is so nice (as i said b4) i think it was bcos u said sth abt me and xiaohui, putting us together in the peirce hike grp, which made us think of quitting after we had a chance to discuss... otherwise i guess i'd still be in odac, being blur

and actually i guess i culd very well turn out to become another person had i stayed in odac. a nicer person i guess... yar... i had a long way to go in odac, to train up my body, to challenge myself more. but hey actually now in chorale i'm challenging myself too.

haha do i want to run for council

anyway the floor is getting freaking dirty. amazing. just one week. and only started noticing today. why? cos i've been walking ard. other days i just walk one trip to my room, take clothes, to the toilet, bathe, to bed, sleep, to the door, get out, close, lock. tt's y i dun feel the dirt on the floor. today my feet are getting black. urgh. luckily my parents shud be coming back tml. or perhaps my mother. cos she's the one who cleans the floor...

wait a moment where did i pick up this "i guess" kou tou chan. must stop it. not more than a few days but still i guess (again) it can get quite irritating... i think i started using it after feeling tt some terms were too strong and straight forward while i guess sounds more erm gentle??!? i think it was abt elina or sth... but anyway must stop using it. makes me sound so indecisive (am i not??? haha)

perhaps i started using it cos i was really guessing all along. started using it in this manner on the 13th mar thu. probably bcos at tt time i really din noe wat was going to happen to me and i was guessing abt my future... a lot of them u noe... if u count there are abt 10

i was oso reading my previous entries n i realised dis: tt i said on 9th mar "do i still like to sing?" interesting right... at tt time i nver considered rejoining chorale. (this month's entries are extraordinarily reflective)

and what else. was suddenly thinking abt tt night after king albert park. i was tokking abt john being sensible... i recall telling him to put down wateva he was keeping and go home, whereas i told ppl who were involuntarily? carrying the cups/glasses to wash them, as in like they ask me wat to do wif it, den i bu4 ke4 qi4 di tell them to wash it. wonder y i haf this difference in attitude. bcos i noe john has made tt effort to help? perhaps.

another thing is the handrail on the doors of buses. dis morning saw this old woman trying to get off the bus, she had to lean to one side to hold on to the railing. perhaps it's too low? i culd go to the interchange tml and measure the height of the railing from the floor, den compare wif ave. height of elderly's hands... yar seriously.

9:44 p.m. - 2003-03-17

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i guess confidence is all tt anyone needs... cos like just now during piano lesson i actually managed to go thru it w/o being scolded too much despite not practising at all... esp the scales part. still sweating but turned out much better than expected...

i guess i hafta start working on everything... to actually learn choir stuff. play piano. esp learn chromatic scales. then do hw. read up in advance. around dere...

5:58 p.m. - 2003-03-17

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today i guess i saw the true magic of music. i think it's the conductor. seriously. at the beginning of the day after tenor sectionals i was still like thinking, perhaps i culd still consider council. (partially cos of the strange mix of ppl + culdnt sing at first) but after tt during combined, when mr toh worked on our vocal techniques, and when we culd actually hear the mediant upon singing the tonic and the dominant, i felt totally amazed. plus the music is really nice, as in the sound produced. of cos i need to work on my technique, but i guess there's really no regret in joining chorale, jc choir and sec sch choir is in fact totally different in the type of exposure and standard... just one year and yet so much difference, wonder y.

right... today ate so much. $5 for chicken chop, $1 for the pancake, $2 for the tang yuan. wow full.

3:21 p.m. - 2003-03-17

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ok the other pt is actually tt i hafent been eating a decent meal for ages so went to bpp to eat select just now. not bad. den ate taro paste thingie + kit kat from watsons. very full. came back met lena, asked me to call her if i've any problems. den auntie lily called me, asked me to go over for dinner. good... finally some nice food i guess.

anyway jsut now i was bathing. heard the fone ringing, so being afraid tt it was my mother who was calling me, went out wet, tried to wipe myself dry. den it was yiling. the window was wide open, blowing at me. cold. shivers. catch a cold? dunno. but yes she just told me to account for my quitting of odac. i guess i shud. but i wasnt too bothered. den she said she'd call xiaohui and of cos she did. den xiaohui called me. i was still bathing again, was slightly pissed i guess, so poor thing, shudnt haf like scolded her? as in since she actually felt paiseh... not her fault wat... and den i wiped myself dry and my mother really called... urgh. anyway yes. gd nite

10:59 p.m. - 2003-03-16

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i just realised. i am tired. not mentally tired. not like b4 when i sort of had to try to be enthu all the time, make it seem as though everyone ard me is close to me... u noe tt type of thing. no it's not tt. i'm physically tired. brain is tired as well, but not mentally, as in it's not bcos of too much thinking. it's basically too many things to do, and too many things tt i have done. one word summarises it all. tiring. e.g. having to go for piano lesson at 4 tml, having to add ppl to egroups, having to wait for mr toh's call and so on so forth. my brain aint exactly made for such memory jobs i'm afraid...

wat haf i been up to these few days. oways getting home near 12, sleeping at least at 1 o clock. physically draining. i've been out all day these few days, doing physical activities. not even awake at home for more than 2 hours every day. sian. oways out, no money. no practice for my piano. no time for newspapers. no time for the comp (which is gd isnt it) no time to do work (hm dis is bad esp since i need to work on my english) yar so i guess i really need time. which is y i made the decision tonite not to go to christelle's hse. the other reasons are as follows:

tired since i haf to do lots of housework. lots of it. as in not lots of it. but more than usual. to settle my own meals. to lock doors / gates. to open / close all windows. to boil water. to do laundry. to collect mail from post office (oops hafent done it yet but still). yar quite tiring considering the fact i'm coming back home already as a tired boy.

today not in mood to play, reflective mood? although this morning i cycled / kayaked (and got a big bump on my forehead) and it was fun, i was tired and felt uncomfortable - firstly with bermudas which felt like they were dropping off all the time, secondly with salt coated all over me. den din eat proper meal again. sweaty. no mood. and i was just tokking to ms lee / helping her wif her kitchen work, so i guess i really din want to play. dunno y. sometimes i wonder. whether i shud play for a while as well, and not place serving as a priorty. budden again if i dun serve will someone else do it? two ways to look at it. no, nobody wuld. or yes, somebody wuld, dey wuld be in the same situation, as in not getting to play. so nvm lar hor, since i'm not really tt keen to play so might as well just serve. wateva.

her hse is really nice, like all the designs, including her tv in her bedroom... and i realise marriage requires quite a bit of courage.

which brings me to say this. i think bao rong and hon lyn would make really really wonderful wives. really really. as in ok wat makes me think so. i think it's nothing very personal. as in from the perspective of a person observing them, i really think so. cos it's like it feels as though dey'd make their husbands feel happy when they come home from a hard day's work, and very willing to do things, understanding, etc.

haha and of cos i think i make a gd husband as well, but tt's bsides the pt.

anyway yar so tt's all i haf to say for tonite. must go boil water, wash clothes soaked in sea water, bathe, eat medicine, sleep.

9:31 p.m. - 2003-03-16

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today was a rather interesting day with many things happening to me. first of all i woke up at 11+ and thought i had to rush to sch, but sicheng told me to go at 1, so it was fine. (yuan xiang and hon siang were lost in peirce at first w/o a compass but later found their way out) den mr toh tokked to me during break, i guess he's still considering now (what's dere to consider... but still) and yes hafent been singing for a while, but i'm really happy i'm singing again. feels good. but i guess i sort of am a failure to have gone back to square one. anyway after tt took sing yong's car, and when we stopped at a traffic light there was a police car and a police motorbike next to us. i waved to him. den sing yong wasnt wearing safety belt... lucky he dint give demerit points or fine his parents... haha so qiao... den went to bk at parkway to meet mingze who brought flowers along. concert was quite nice i guess, but not worth the $15 (which i did not pay). think my expectations are high cos of the victoria chorale standard. but thought tt song (which yong ping likes alot) was rather well controlled though there was a lack of blending bet the male and female voices. the concert was a bit short... anyway den just took 36 to city hall, took mrt to cck, tokked to jason on the way, wondered abt whether i'd ever join a small grp. and dis of cos made me think. i'd need to sort of be "cooler" and have more courage to sing on stage in a small grp... and the thing is this is wat i fear, the obstacle to me joining council. so here i ask myself. shud i run for council. this time i'm being serious. odac having been crossed out, i haf choir and council to choose from. i noe mr toh will kill me if i run. esp when i'm not even in chorale yet. i bet if he finds out he wunt accept me. yar so wuld tt actually be better? i dunno... but anyway hope i get to participate in the concert lar hor. den the more interesting part was at the lrt where i met youli. first time tokking to her after meeting her so many many times. anyway so she had her performance (anyway i wonder y i tokked to her in chinese most of the time) and was going home on 852 but ended up in bkt batok. took mrt, changed to lrt, met me. both of us took the train which we thought we were sure was heading towards petir. but no it took the turn into senja instead!!! how sway can she get... anyway yar den checked my ezlink transactions. damn interesting, have taken so many buses this few days. 166 / 36 / 111 / 174 / 184 / 75 / 960

ok wat else. basically iraq thingie. whether war is worth fighting. cos like benefits are strengthening of bush's power and removal of a common enemy, but costs are high - rebuilding / war itself / detrimental to many industries reliant on oil (hikes) or air transport.

oops 1.30 liao how to wake up tml

and actually quite sad. was removed from odac egrp. as in ownership. suppose i shudnt be the owner, but dun haf to remove me right...

oh yes qi zhao i'm very sorry. left u out of the conversations just now... shud haf asked u / tokked to u. i tot i promised myself to bcum someone as nice as honlyn (as mentioned b4...) yar but apparently i cant do it yet. so i must constantly remind myself i guess. anyway thanx shenting for actually bothering to read wateva i haf written...

1:12 a.m. - 2003-03-16

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right. it's been 11 minutes online dunno doing wat. anyway today was a rather fun day. as in school wasnt really tt fun. apart from gp and bio which we slacked ard for. basically gp we all slept on the floor, bio we did the friendship dance. quite fun lar. and den of cos ran to the canteen to fetch tian jiao's file only to learn tt bao rong already took it. tt's abt it lar. (carlyn lee wants to change civics to friday...) anyway wat else. nothing lar. after chem prac (i got full marks for the previous one!!! wonder if i can do it again... apparently i shud oways choose the lowest results tt i get since my answers are always above expected value, probably bcos i tap the pipette harder and more reagent comes out...) we took thousands of fotos for elina. yar really wuld miss her i guess. she looks rather sad actually, as in yar what to do we wunt c her come back i suppose... yar. but i guess the cushion tt we made for her plus the card, i myself wuld be so touched... really... oh yes!!! the idea of a class pencil box, exciting right.

den me, xh, qian li, honlyn went out of sch (haha she ponned soccer), ate the pancake (peanut, damn nice) and den yar not bad lar waited for honlyn at macs while eating a cone each. later bought otar which wasnt exactly very nice. den took train to jurong east, took yew tee train, dropped off (me actually wanting to get home) (oh we got newspapers [shin min daily rubbish] from some lady, hoping to watch a movie somewhere but found nothing interesting] den i just followed along until we reached woodlands, upon which honlyn said she must go home, so we all decided to follow her. tried to buy socks but she'd borrow in the end. den suddenly thought of playing badminton, walked to her hse. not bad the surroundings. nice indeed. haha played from when the moon was just above the block to when the moon was high above the sky. not exactly very tiring. my playing may not be gd, but hey it isnt really tt bad. as in lousiest but tt bad. yar, but need a bit more mo4 qi4 bet partners i guess. for some time we played using our left hand, which was a bit crazy and looked spastic; but it was fun. den dey bought ice cream from a minimart, and we ate omost 3/4 of it. hon lyn had to get up to get water thrice for us. oh i guess i need to work on my other techniques... anyway on the way back, thought i really like woodlands, it doesnt seem like the singapore i noe, as in like everything integrated into one, being a regional centre, it's really cool to live there. library/shopping/transport. simply nice. perhaps next time i shud move dere...

anyway wish me gd luck for tml tt i shall be able to enter chorale provided mr toh is willing to accept new members. cos otherwise i'd be cca-less, but running for council. which perhaps is not such a gd route (in my opinion) yar anyway i think more or less my range is still acceptable, tml i just hafta be careful abt my jaw-lowering, air usage, posture, etc. tt is if he auditions me.

and oh yes the ph5 (now aka ph3) are going recce again tml. so sad cant join dem. errr tml 12 o clock must reach school hor.

yes i had to do the laundry today. as in i'm hanging things up to dry now. need sch u for tml...

11:19 p.m. - 2003-03-14

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today was a fun day indeed. after all boring lessons went to quit odac. den went to orchard and bought card / cushion for elina. very nice in the end. the cutting was fun, and we oso tried to mend the zip. (the cushion covers are unbelieveably cheap at 3 for $3) den went off to KAP to meet ms tan and company. ate big mac, saw green fries... broke. den brought the whole lot of them home, played mahjong / bridge / playstation. left at 11. john's very sensible, helped to keep. thanx...

11:13 p.m. - 2003-03-13

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just realised tt all these thinking and decision making happened within 52 hours. amazing how much i've been thru...

9:40 p.m. - 2003-03-12

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very important chat i had wif xiao hui today which just changed my future. u noe i was considering odac vs council right. i realised tt both are not really wat i want, as in both wuld be fine, but not wat i'd be extremely comfortable wif. and guess wat. i'm going to rejoin the choir. shocking isnt it. realised at this junction, where i haf to choose between odac and council, and i cant choose, i realised i haf to turn back. tt's best for me. it's not tt i dun like odac. really i will miss all the ppl there. but really too time consuming for not very gd reasons. perhaps if u odacians allow it, i wuld come back and join u ppl for expeditions as i said if u all allow it. if not, i can oways organise hikes on my own with my friends to lower peirce (sure had fun there...) yar. tt's it. i'm all set to go for choir auditions, found out tt my voice din really degenerate tt badly, which is good. but must stop eating all types of junk which can congest my throat. and yes. i feel excited all over again. i dunno... must work hard for it i noe.

and it's all been done. even my piano lesson has been rescheduled to monday 4pm. ready. set. go.

9:00 p.m. - 2003-03-12

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another thing. there's perhaps no right or wrong choice. just different routes. will i still get where i want to? an analogy, perhaps wuld be tt i wuld be crossing a river, but it's just a matter of where i land on the opp bank. perhaps it is still possible for me walk over to any place upon arrival on the opp bank. it's still possible. but if i drown on the way, then i'll nver make it. can i take the risk? perhaps not. it's my life i'm playing wif here. RAMS.

and i noe this sounds a bit fake but really i haf a responsibility to odac. to organise the peirce hike and therefore at least fulfill the basic expectations. i mean it ok...

12:01 a.m. - 2003-03-12

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ok i think i'm more or less done wif this episode. and just looking back at it, i realise how ppl can get moody and pissed wif nothing, as in how they are easily pissed by harmless actions. i understand. esp when they feel helpless, not knowing wat to do. like jun ming just now asking me y i blog when i was bzily trying to figure out whether to join council. when i was so pissed wif myself. yar i understand. i suppose this is wat i learnt from this whole process. learning from the choice making. decision making. i think i'm relieved.

as i said, until otherwise stated...

11:55 p.m. - 2003-03-11

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ok i dunno if i'm mad

but i think i've decided

i'm not running

why, u ask. bcos i just browsed thru wat dey do (on the website), and i mean i get the pt. the cheering and everything. communications. these are my weak points. finally comes to welfare. suppose i culd be in there. but hey being a councillor i'm supposed to be on exemplary behaviour, or to show the rafflesian spirit, to show other schools wat rj is like. can i represent tt? perhaps not. i noe i'm retreating into my comfort zone. i am. but is there a limit to what i shud try out and where my boundaries actually are. yes there is. perhaps i've reached it. i shud nver go across it and come to regret it after tt. is it bcos i gained too much momentum in taking up changes as they come along (like joining odac) tt i'm actually getting a bit numb abt the actual consequences? yes i am. it's omost like getting into jc and interacting wif the opp sex. i think i noe wat i mean. i just decided. unless otherwise swayed by sth... i hereby declare tt i relinquish my rights to run for the 23rd student's council... (as apparently stated in the form)

bcos oso as shawn says. i can serve if i want to. in odac as well

11:41 p.m. - 2003-03-11

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in fact campaigning and speech type of thing is going to be my first hurdle...

9:59 p.m. - 2003-03-11

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hey... i realised i was so organised in my thoughts yesterday tt i lost some of my thoughts...

basically why do i want to run for council. i want to serve. i really dun mind serving one... did i bring this upon myself? being too enthu and service-orientated tt ppl actually bothered to nominate me. actually i dun think i'm tt kind but ppl think i am. y. or shud i give it a try. can i make a change... wat are the impediments actually. to be frank. i'm not the cool type (DUH) and cant imagine myself to be, i'm the on type in terms of doing work, serving, but i'm not the type who is ultra on in say planning for zaqeador, just probably bcos i'd be too shy to face the j1s or sth. or if i'm told to dance. or sth like tt. tt's my impediment. otherwise i really can one. ay really. perhaps it's overcomable isnt it.

wat's the other thing. odac pulling me back? perhaps but not really tt big a force now?

hey look here i dun want time to make another decision for me. tt is by tml if i dun get a withdrawal form it means i've headed towards the councillor's route.

is it necessary for a councillor to know right from the start, right at the beginning of the yr, tt he or she wants to be one. if tt's one of the requirements, then i can gladly say ok sorry i withdraw.

but are there those who nver considered until they were nominated. like me? perhaps.

will i regret it. i dunno. not in the near future i can c.

9:01 p.m. - 2003-03-11

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haha so here i am again. not bcos i cant keep my promise. (but perhaps it's bcos of tt? haha) the pt is today i made another huge decision, that is to run for council. b4 i actually start discussing whether or not i shud actually run for council (i've until wednesday to decide) let me just take a look at how far i've come this year in RJ...

==digression: wat happened today: during break played piano wif ying heng. quite sad tt he thinks i shud start working on my expression for the fugue cos by right i shud be alright in it liao... anyway after sch went to holland v, on the way pushed the fallen trunk off the bridge (not into malaysian land dun worry), in the process getting an abrasion on left elbow. den ate bk, saw wei zhen and liang fa, went to jec just to find cathay bowl to haf closed down, den just sat down at a "stone" (*ding) table and started tokking, basically abt elina, but later on oso abt friends (ee sang was saying sth abt some ppl being friends wif many but not being able to find a best best friend. i suppose i'm one of these "sad cases"-yingheng) and den anyway oso tokking abt first impressions of each other oh and ee sang tokked abt japan and how the lifestyle and attitude of ppl there is different==

==digression 2: was saying sth abt my knee hurting right. think it's the joint. nowadays really trying to walk as carefully as possible so sort of recovering. but must remember to still take care upon full recovery...==

basically 3 C's this year: change, challenge, choice. so yar first of all abt how much i haf changed. if u say i hafent changed at all u must be joking. i mean face it. from a totally dun go out (more or less) sad life? person (though not the mugging type) to a person who now goes out more frequently, like f4... hehe anyway yar change. perhaps from a relatively quiet hk in sec 4 (due to certain circumstances, how i actually thought i was becoming an introvert) to a noisy me. tt's change lar hor.

challenge. to challenge myself to actually go beyond my comfort zone. example like to learn izayla (oops actually forgotten liao) to try odac, to now try council. or pt in odac. actually think i caught it from daryl who was damn inspiring during the obstacle course... challenging myself again and again. very good. or the garang guni announcement (this wed)

choices. many to make. first was to odac, den now to council? to take jap or not. to take chinese or not? to take piano or not. wat else man. nver made so many decisions in my life, and mind u all dese affect my future lar. and i just realised i am not really tt much of a wanderer, used to think i dunno wat i want, just studying for sake of studying. but perhaps i really want to do sth in the medicine field after tokking to mr sitoe...

(looking back at the days tt so many haf passed, u suddenly realise how far u haf come... u haf arrived at a brand new beginning, a place where hopes and dreams dwell free... u dun hafta be afraid, cos we're here to guide ur way, just haf faith in us faith in our hearts and we will guide ur way)

at this point i wuld like to say tt yar most probably i am running for council (shawn's trying to discourage me) i find tt i oways sway to ppl's opinion, but from now on i wuld haf to take a really my-stand. think i can really do sth for the school. suppose a councillor's life wuld be quite nice as well, as in after all nowadays i oways pick up things to do, such as setting up egroups, compiling contact lists, etcetc. wat abt odac committee tt shawn pointed out? dunno lar. as in so the pt is actually now i am not totally alien to doing work for ppl. i am willing to serve w/o recognition. well tt's wat i set out to achieve at the beginning of the year.

but let me say this. i will miss odac if i do quit it. as in the ppl in it. yar i've changed my mind abt them. the friendships can get really good. i realise that. was just tokking to shawn abt it.

anyway shall end otherwise will nver sleep

realised our monday timetable is too slack and derefore wunt work hard on sundays. not gd not gd.

9:48 p.m. - 2003-03-10

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hai last one

oh well...

to all who frequent my diary (i can count up to 7 now) sorry but i think i'd really stop updating for now. why? think i'll come back like in less than hour again? no lar. (just as viewership started increasing from 1 last yr)

cos deciding to use hard diary. no more soft ones. realised i dun read past entries. not tt i dun want ppl to noe wat i think, but rather want sth to look at in the future. cos was tokking to yingheng, suddenly tot of bringing sec 1/2 journal to sch to show him, and den realised hard copy can oso reflect handwriting. plus save tonnes of time, wunt get too many chances to chat any more (cos i usu turn on the comp to update this and get distracted in the end, xplains y i'm oways online) yar... so gd bye gd bye trying for one week but i guess this decision wuld last...

and to bao rong haha so sad sorry hor... decided only after i told u my address...

11:38 p.m. - 2003-03-09

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a few things i saw tt were interesting just now at great world city. toilets are nicely decorated according to the themes, one was an egyptian theme, the other a roman one... not bad nice to go to the toilet. den at cold storage saw this street directory which says: page does not flip on its own when put on the car seat. we noe wat it means but it sounds as though a ghost wuld come and flip it or sth... :S

anyway was thinking abt the LED traffic lights and how they were so new just a few years back, how they were rather exciting, but how we take them for granted / normal nowadays. changes take place and we dun even realise it yar...

9:59 p.m. - 2003-03-09

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yet another edit-entry

just found out tt ppl think i am who i am, as in those who read my blog. as in i asked ard of cos... cos i think i'm sort of different when i'm being the normal joker and when i'm alone and reflecting. but apparently i'm not... isnt tt gd?

2.59PM - 2003-03-09

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another thing i learn from my daily life... to treasure every minute. whenever i go out to meet someone / to school, i calculate to the very last minute. so y cant i do it when i do work at home?

a few things i feel like complaining abt: pearls system and how it's going to kill/overstretch me. pae and how it causes ppl to feel sad wif the arrival of jae. all totally rubbish systems in operation, thanx to moe. systems that benefits not the student but the organisations, be it the one issuing scholarships (the higher the pearls the higher the chance of choosing?), or the one running the school... i wonder why they are ard...

and actually sometimes i wonder. do i still like to sing? yes i do. would i miss playing piano after lessons end in july? yes too. (oh shit where's ms tan i tot she's supposed to contact me...) so it's like jap too. but how to handle. i bet i'm going to tell shioya sensei on tuesday tt i decided not to retake jap again. i mean suddenly i realised i din fill in jap "ao" in the pre-u scholarship application. later on they say i din fill up the form truthfully and disqualify me then i die...

9:15 a.m. - 2003-03-09

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just realised i really dunno how to console ppl. or rather how to treat ppl when dey haf met wif sth unfortunate. not physically but rather a "failure?" as in yar like in the case of jc admission type of thing. i rather (or perhaps tt's the only thing i noe i can do w/o really having adverse effects on the person) keep quiet as though i din noe. not a very gd solution (if it's considered one) i noe but i really dunno how to tok to such ppl... anyway next thing. really think hon lyn is a very erm how to say, mature? person. as in cos like i remember tt day on the mrt she was (i think) tokking to sunni abt some person, the rest of us were just listening, as in obviously we din noe the person and ought to be bored, and she was like sort of dominating? the conversation, she actually said sorry, as in yar very aware of ppl ard her, must learn from her. and den there are oso the ppl who ask whether ppl felt left out in conversations (when they shud be, so at least the ppl noe u noe dey feel left out) these ppl deserve praise too... (haha i'm one of dese, but still i think really we do deserve praise)

10:16 p.m. - 2003-03-08

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just came back from a squash game wif my father. i improved on my swing i think. managed to hit many balls. but wat did i gain most from this session? a very good dao4 li3.

when u fail in doing sth, u r likely to just give up, and think tt everything is over. but no. just like squash. even though u failed, u are very likely to haf tried to do it, and so no matter what just try again when the opportunity arises again, which usually happens very soon after the failure. sometimes u haf more time (i.e. ball too high, hits back-wall straight away, u can still allow ball to bounce once) sometimes u haf less time (i.e. ball hits floor at back of court, u wait for ball to "come out from the wall" b4 hitting). but either way u just haf to work even harder for this opportunity, for it is not easy to grasp. but bear in mind it does exist. yup. chim hk.

7:12 p.m. - 2003-03-08

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wanted to type here this morning but server was down? anyway finished part of the peirce hike. basically right went to ang mo kio early in the morning at 7.30. mrt/lrt frequencies are a lousy 7 minutes interval bet 2 trains... was nearly late. but was not lar in the end. ok den took 165, walked across the rd after dropping off to reach old upp thomson. cut in, up the dam into the lower. park. went to edge of fishing grd where there was a trail which was closed for upgrading. we went in anyway. very short... den continued to the other trails, explored a bit, decided to go out at casuarina, ate roti prata which cost quite a bomb. den went back in, took a trail from the cyathea trail or sth, den went west all the way. very interesting parts. first we went thru these my-height-ferns w/o noeing where we were going. den saw frog and insect and pitcher plant. walked to reservoir coast. den saw bamboo garden + almost dead terapin. den saw ang moh. den took trail, missed starting but later on ang moh came back to help. den walked till end to old upp thomson rd. basically completed lower peirce. sat dere took a lift back to casuarina. took my car to amk mrt. den played golf at sin ming. now back.

3:26 p.m. - 2003-03-08

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quote:to see the rainbow, u gotta put up with the rain

anyway tml going on peirce recce. sounds interesting. as in yar hacking thru the forest and all...

"The West-East Trail Along Northern Upper-Lower Peirce Shore

This trail follows an existing well-defined footpath one-third way from the Chestnut area, while most of the rest follows a route that is very little frequented, requiring hacking a path through the vegetation. Nearer the Upper Thomson area there are existing boardwalks. "

http://karavshin.org/singapore/maps/derek-potter-jungle-trails-working-copy.png

taking the trail above the peirce reservoirs. hope i make my way out b4 my piano lesson. meeting at ang mo kio at 7.30 tml, *sure to be late?

10:49 p.m. - 2003-03-07

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hey hk... today was another interesting day... ok the physics lecture was fine. pe had soccer which i wasnt to enthu abt. maths physics tutorials. gp presentation on marriage/divorce. bio did proteins (so slow...) den finally chem prac, iron (II) - permanganate titration, quite fun, hope results are correct. went for geog soc. amazingly i accepted the challenge to make an announcement on next wednesday (despite not noeing whether i will really join geog soc. budden again who cares even if i malu myself?) ok den crashed chess / bridge. went for jap and suddenly decided i'd take jap "ao". good to noe tt i'm actually interested enuff in it to want to take it despite bz schedule. used to think i'm not interested in anything, remember? indeed, now i'd be busier than ever. dun expect me to update. still got com. service to do leh... how.

anyway must really have gd time management from now on. i.e. spend some time on piano. doing hw. much much less time on comp. so bye. okok must write schedules for every single day to rush myself on. so as to sleep as early as possible as well. tonight's target: 11pm. i.e. i haf another 2hr 45 min to do wat i haf to do. bathe/shit/piano/work - gp reorganisation, gp essay, ph tutorial, ma tutorial, ch tutorial, bi tutorial/revision. okok gd day b4 time runs out...

8:07 p.m. - 2003-03-07

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haha managed to add an entry by using edit function... so stupid...

wait a moment this's interesting... hafent been using the comp at this time (5++ 6 ) for ages cos apparently dey dunt let u add entries during the "peak hours"... n i nver knew.

anyway so today lessons were rather usual. nothing special. or wait. was there anything interesting? (by the way it was so hot today i kept sweating and stinking) civics. yes. jian an and meiqi came in to give us the nomination forms for councillors. bao rong, yingheng, bao luo, wang ning, andy were the ppl i nominated... and interestingly enuff ppl did nominate me. not tt i nver was nominated for any position in sec sch, but the fact tt they actually bothered to mention my name means there must be sth abt me tt made them think i shud give it a try? i wonder wat. (been wondering a lot these few days yar...) and well shud i give it a try? odac ppl wuld kill me for sure, budden again, hey does it really matter. as in as i was saying to glenn, we can do all dese outdoors stuff after we leave school, and he said it's true, but u wunt noe all these skills? (and glenn thanx for giving me advice not to piss my parents) but now more or less i get the idea... so? shud i actually consider? do i stand a chance of being a councillor. am i tt type of person? or shud i listen to yingheng's success story? as in he said he was very quiet b4 he bcame a prefect. not tt i'm quiet, no definitely not. but i'm just not very brave. i am unable to speak in front of audiences. as in dis's sth leaders are supposed to be able to do. suppose i culd really be trained. but look at how i screwed up the campfire... (ay wait shawn how did u ever find out abt my blog...)

physics prac was ok. got back our previous prac. mananged to (i hope at least....) learn from previous mistakes and make current report as impeccable as possible. anyway was counting in all sorts of languages, thai, malay, cantonese, japanese, english, mandarin or using elements, or using register numbers (as in the names lar duh), alphabets, etc. was i irritating? perhaps. i bet i was. mr wong set up tt dunno wat workshop for us to play wif, but we din. bet he was disappointed. cos he made the concession tt we culd hand in our report tml yet none of us went to even just touch the comp... sad.

so i just realised tt today was actually very interesting. not usual as i thought it to be, perhaps bcos of the thoughts in my mind after visiting bpps. but save tt for later... den there was maths lecture, i sat right in front of that teacher, (was doing physics prac) and yet she din notice!!! quite funny actually, just a bit bitchy. think she cant recognise me w/o my jacket, so tt's gd... she purplely pronounces wrongly i'm sure... :P short break b4 chem lecture. rather informative lecture, just tt i was really damn sleepy. was struggling to stay awake (budden again bao rong, yingheng, hon lyn all dozed off at least twice right...) but yar when i was first glancing thru the notes when i first got it, i din really understand. i think so far this is one of the lectures from which i really gain sth tt i cannot get from simply reading the notes. sadly i was tired. otherwise wuld haf actually enjoyed it. but still thinking abt the 109.5� thingie... for the tetrahedral electron geometry. ok tt's all for lectures.

den left for home, and met zhini at bus stop. she's from gep too. and she's in 3c. (i bet i'd ask her again next time i meet her cos i wunt remember) just decided to go back into bpps, and saw mr sitoe first, who doesnt really seem too satisfied wif wat he's doing now, as in much less teaching compared to admin work. and i cant believe it, only 5 periods per week for science as compared to 10 for maths and 12 for english. chatted a while, a bit awkward as usual, cos after all i was his student like 5 years ago. 5 years' a long time... den it just so happened tt ms tan is actually ard. so went to 5A (3rd floor) to see her. think it's a EM3 class. tried sitting in to see her teach, but apparently they have a test tml and dey are supposed to self-study. very hard to handle. so she just told them to keep quiet and read wateva they received (some info for their parents) while she tokked to me. yar so perhaps we'll be meeting at KAP this sunday or next week. cos she's leaving next saturday. (random non reflective observations: saw my name on the top pupil list :P the ceilings are so low, bcos now i'm so tall... the classrooms even haf a sink in them. pupils still go class by class back to the classrooms after recess)

ok which made me think quite a bit. why must the children go back class by class. cant dey be allowed to go back by themselves? apparently not. not disciplined enuff. hard to account for missing students. perhaps tt's true. fine. but y must pupils be told to keep silent. wat's the rationale? y must dey keep quiet. when students are at the canteen assembling, they have to "put a finger on their lips". why???? cant they tok? wat's wrong wif tokking??? "still tokking still tokking" echoes in my brain. it's just like when i myself was in pri sch. i oways disliked being threatened to keep quiet. or like wat ms tan did, to count to 5 and everyone has to clear everything off the table apart from their pencil boxes. very long time since i last heard tt, i nearly forgot it altogether. y must there be threats all the time? or pupils being told to stand outside the classroom for not doing work. was oways afraid of tt as well. somehow i look back i feel my pri sch life was probably full of fear. y. y must it be like tt. am i glad tt it wasnt like tt in ri... but now we dun pay respect to teachers any more do we, we blatantly tok during lectures / tutorials, and it seems as though there's nothing wrong wif it. oh my god wat haf we bcum. useless pieces of .... wat haf we sacrificed as we grew up? our values? is respect sth we haf really lost? or was it there in the first place. was it just there bcos we were under threat since young, and therefore gone when the threat disappears? is there sth wrong wif the system?

another thing i just read on the papers, abt us following templates. indeed. so many systems at work in singapore. following flow charts. look at structure of education and u noe. almost zero flexibility most of the time until recently. exceptions are seldom if not nver considered until they appear. y must it be so?

finally pls take time off to find out the correct pronunciation of the following english words: wednesday / often / either / won / question / procedure / flour by the way ramification = one or a large number of results tt follow from an action or decision and i must really stop myself from wasting time. until now today i've done nothing. nothing at all...

9:34 - 2003-03-06

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well i wonder. hi kenneth if u r reading this. i wunt noe. but u asked who is a6 this morning during assembly? gotta be one of u j2s...

ok anyway this morning just so happened to meet jian an on his way to sch. i was nearly late though i took the 7.05 bus (missed the 6.55 bus cos i tot it wuld come at 6.52 and it was 6.53 by the time i left my hse.) anyway today physics tutorial i actually understood quite abit of kinematics, which is gd. plus he din go thru tutorials. which is gd. bio lecture was interesting. i like eva hor's break which allow me to reorganise what i haf learnt. it's really gd. gp was not tt bad, after all we were rushing thru to get stuff done. like comparing gp questions 1966 - 1970 with recent ones. interestingly though he refused to accept the first pair we gave he said our second pair was wonderful... to see the change in focus of the exam, to want us to read broadly, and to haf critical thinking to establish arguments, so the questions are divergent. ok then break ate. must complain liao. every plate when free of food has a layer of oil. anyway today ate roti prata. then bought fruits for the class. quite a balanced meal? den civics. took a look at honlyn's form at which ms lee was highly shocked. sth i oways do. as in, i oways take things as though dey're mine. so must try to stop my itchy hand.

ok den odac. must say my legs are really dying. dunno wat wuld happen to dem. i better rest. began with assigning us to projects. me doing peirce reservoir thingie. sounds fun. but recceing can be a problem. spends my time. and oh go tell glenn(if tt's how u spell his name) tt i haf to cope wif my piano as well. den run to botanic gardens. den back. den floor ball / frisbee? yar den dinner den home. simple.

i think perhaps i shud set my priorities right. came home did the egroups and class accounts. hey wat happpens to hw??? :S

10:12 p.m. - 2003-03-05

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having a nice chat wif rui ming right now...

10:34 p.m. - 2003-03-04

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love these quotes:

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back!

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

Happiness lives for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

10:15 p.m. - 2003-03-04

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final point to add, perhaps ppl ard me are really too nice. i'm not used to tt. really. i want bad ppl ard. not say bad but rather ppl who are not so considerate, not so kind, not so generous, not so helpful, not so understanding, not so reasonable. cos u noe wat. i just realised tt these ppl add variety to life. they spice up ur life in fact. think of it carefully. perhaps it really makes sense.

9:18 p.m. - 2003-03-04

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i was just wondering y i wasnt tokking as much to sunni just now on the train ride back. perhaps cos of jieming being ard, as in i had to keep him in conversation as well, switching bet 2 ppl, and sunni was smsing. yes and she told me the gd news tt she'd be going to germany, and i suppose i was supposed to happy for her. but i wasnt exactly excited. y.

i am still wondering.

but perhaps it's bcos i'm tired. y tired. physically tired. insufficient sleep. odac training tiring. legs aching. ailments here and there. mentally tired as well? getting sick of the ppl around me? getting sick of myself? perhaps i'm putting on a front? am i? no i dun think so. i've changed, tt's all. changed, tt's all.

but where can i get the energy from? i din even haf the appetite to eat just now. even eating sweets which are usu my favourites was not appealing. honlyn's gummi sweets are nice though :))

is it bcos it's getting too routine, just lectures and lectures, tutorials and tutorials, hw and more hw. perhaps the speed is really getting quite fast. manageable but i suppose it's at the rate at which i mugged my o's type of thing. is it the stress? is it the very smart ppl ard me generating unnecessary stress? perhaps not as well.

at the same time i haf to worry abt cip. and my piano. and my life.

is it the friends? perhaps chun hui's right. i've known them for only 2 months, and i really dunno them well. and we're havin so many class outings and stuff, it just seems tt this grp of ppl are not classmates but normal friends tt u make from say a camp. or odac for that matter, u haf this bunch of ppl whom u're supposedly very close to, or perhaps u're closer to them than others, but bcos it's a forged closeness, now there is a lack of need for the closeness, we are drifting apart. with the removal of the grpings, we dun haf to stick to our grp any more, u can spread out, and now i feel lost yet again. yes lost. during dinner, i was eating with this grp of ppl whom i seem to noe well cos we spent 3 days together in malaysia, and yet they were total strangers. and the thing is they're supposed to become my closest friends in rj. i wonder yet again.

when i saw pat yesterday, was so full of joy. that sense of familiarity, somebody whom i noe appearing in front of me, nothing to do with rj. i dunno. i'm sian of rj stuff. yesterday i went to ri and i felt at home. it felt comfortable sitting outside the staffroom. i culd do work. i saw teachers. upon hearing footsteps on the spiral staircase i automatically turn ard, hoping to c someone i noe, as i often did when i was in ri studying for prelims/os. it is tt sense of familiarity tt is making rj seem a foreign place. the home room system perhaps, making me feel like i'm travelling all the time, or perhaps tt is the truth. i suddenly feel the need to go back to somewhere tt i'm familiar with. to ppl i'm familiar with. i think i'd be glad to find ppl like andrew or even calvin. or just to go back to ri. or now the other only thing i can do is fall back on music. somehow it just works. music oways works. sad or happy any emotions i can express it using my piano. sounds chim yar. (anyway shall try playing duets wif ppl in class provided i can get score)

this was a highly reflective entry. anybody reading it perhaps shud try to think and understand what i feel cos i myself thought of these only when i was writing...

8:22 p.m. - 2003-03-04

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today was more or less tiring. wat did we do? lectures and lectures, tutorials after tutorials, receive 2 tests take 1 test. tiring day yar? and then basically nothing else, gp was rather boring but i tried to keep myself interested with tone and everything. must word hard. must read. then PE did quite a lot. my left leg esp is dead. dun think i can do pt tml. and oso did weights / many asssisted pull-ups. at this rate i'll pass my napfa. and yes nowadays i'm approaching gp with an open mind, which is very gd. shall start bcuming hardworking. oh met zhini this morning if that's how u spell her name... and wat else? nothing much... was revising physics with andy, quite efficient.

7:06 p.m. - 2003-03-04

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actually right i feel tt out of all the subjects i'm doing now physics is one of the most well organised. they teach u everything from the basic, step by step to ensure u really know everything... very very gd. perhaps bcos of the syllabus??

and oso now tt i type so much on the computer, my typing speed is actually quite amazing, and i dun haf to look at the keyboard any more when typing. yes gd for me when i go to work next time, can be more efficient. budden again everyone my age uses the computer a lot right, so everyone's speed shud be abt the same as mine?

11:21 p.m. - 2003-03-03

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firstly today's 030303. anyway too late isnt it... only 2.5 hours to go.

i shall stop saying "today is a long day" cos every day of my life is now very long. which is good. anyway bio practical was interesting cos i actually got 76% for it. cheated a bit at the back by writing some stuff when she said stop writing, but tt's not really much. cos basically this time i tried to put as much details / key words as possible so i get more marks... yar slowly learning liao. den break. nothing much happened, just ate. oh saw kao chin and company. den chem tutorial where we had this discussion abt y calcium has a much higher 3rd IE compared to the next element. but in the end found out 3rd IE for all those elements involves removal of electron from an inner principal quantum shell... nvm the explanation was not good. den bio lecture. eva hor suddenly took attendance and told back row (full of crashers) to stand up. ppl panicked. but actually just told to answer questions. anyway it's gd she gave us time to recap, i really made use of it well. oh and i killed the table, apparently they can move... as in the whole set, like in ts's where u can lower the table totally into the hole type of thing.

ok den went out for chicken rice at ghim moh, rushed back to take firman's car to ri. took the form from a pissed office ms jamaliah or sth. den realised din bring results slip so there's nothing i culd do. just sat down did gp essay. quite efficient. den odac damn tiring. run and run. hop and hop. wah legs aching haf to drag them along.

on the way back in the bus damn noisy. first got loud woman speaking on handphone. then got indian music behind me. classical music on my right.

oh and why do i know singapore so well? cos i read the street directory...

9:26 p.m. - 2003-03-03

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actually i realised our class is really very nice. all damn service-orientated one... esp the guys... oh and i wuld be known as andy tml, and if successful forever after tt

10:26 p.m. - 2003-03-02

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hey no use convincing urself tt u can fail all the time just bcos u are learning from them. it is just a consolation, not the truth. want the truth? the truth is that there are endless number of lessons to be learnt, so just try not to make mistakes. chances of u making the same mistake in life is actually very slim, plus chances tt u can make another type of mistake / failure is very high. you could however use the failure / mistake as a source of motivation...

9:47 p.m. - 2003-03-02

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today has not been very productive as of yet. all i did was wash my pair of shoes which i wore to btc (how stinky can they get...) and tt's abt it. trying to do the gp movie review now which i wuld try to make as well done as possible. yes a bit of diarrhoea, dunno y though.

12:53 p.m. - 2003-03-02

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am i really growing up or sth? somehow i hafent been pushing a trolley ard a supermarket for a long time. and it actually feels sian, i actually felt it was a waste of time. i used to think it was fun. but of cos it culd be just because i'm damn sleepy/tired today.

yes nowadays i seem to be damn prone to illnesses. my right neck or wateva muscle is aching. dunno if it's some serious thing. for all u noe it's rabies...

aiyah suddenly i feel so serious and everything.

and i really want to go back to andy's hse now and join in the fun they're hafing. but hai too bad.

10:06 p.m. - 2003-03-01

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today was long too. after breakfast we walked to sch. carlyn lee was expectedly not ard. we tokked and filled up the form for the scholarship. then went out, took mrt all the way to simei, tokked wif eric on the way, shall start from now: to not look at things from the negative side but on the positive side. yes. and den we bought drinks and chips from ntuc, were surprised eric carried stuff? y did dey say dat, so bad... then basically andy's condo is opp changi general hospital, very nice as well, with the fountain in the middle. his hse was equally entertainment-ful. wif big tv / x-box and bridge and mahjong yar not bad. plus the spaghetti / chicken wings were not bad either. too bad had to rush back. left at 2.45 or sth. ran to mrt. caught the train. ran out of bugis, din catch the bus. ran out from 960 to my hse. took books, ran to jocelyn's hse, 5 minutes late. lesson was rather interesting, played duets. actually my pieces were ready lar, but nvm still...

now rather sticky. -me

and by the way andy's really nice. called me to check tt i managed to make my way to the mrt... a bit late (reached lavendar by then) but still very thoughtful of him

6:12 p.m. - 2003-03-01

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hey it's so hilarious ok... supposed to meet sunni at cck at 7.30. i just woke up, called her, and she's still at home too! anyway i oso realised i use "i was like blah blah blah" a lot, perhaps i shud try limiting it. cos obviously it's not proper english. just wondering where i learnt it from.

7:39 a.m. - 2003-03-01

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well i'm back and yes i got 10a1s and 1a2. sadly it was my higher chinese. no i dun feel disappointed in my results or sad at all. just a bit worried abt the future, i.e. university admission. and i disappointed quite a number of ppl who were expecting me to get 11 of them. anyway i'm one of the luckier ones to have lost only 1 subject, there were many potential 11A1 kias in RI, but all of us failed to do so. so i suppose i'm still ok. just tt yar a bit ke3 xi1 (which mdm wei ling repeated some 6 times). well and actually i'm still thinking of taking it, but tt wuld mean a class change. and heavier workload as well.

anyway to all out dere who noe me. let me say sorry. yar. and well i'll use this as a lesson. i dun think i was arrogant. i was just not bothered to study. so i deserve the a2. just make sure i really work hard for my gp lar basically. cos my english and history both got a1, tt i'm quite happy abt...

right so tt's it for now.

Zhong4 Gua1 De2 Gua1 Zhong4 Dou4 De2 Dou4. Yes mdm wei ling was right. i will remember this quote for life... she actually put it in my autograph book. gd for me

my sincere apologies to mrs cheah who didnt noe whether to congratulate me, to mrs yap and other subject teachers who probably had high hopes in me. i'm really sorry, but i promise ok, i promise i will try my best next time... (oh and to damien phua oso who shares my birthday and got 11a1s some years ago...)

8:25 p.m. - 2003-02-28

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ok quite sure liao wunt get 11a1s

wat do i feel? relief? perhaps. dun want to be interviewed. if RI only produced a 11A1s person it's perhaps ong chin siang or ray... dunno lar but a bit sad lar hor.

11:30 a.m. - 2003-02-28

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